But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
worst night to have a conscience
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
