i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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