I'm so fucking centered right now
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
