Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
