why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
