Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
