If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
