I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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