youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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