Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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