fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
