I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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