She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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