she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
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