I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
