I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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