Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
