Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I want a musical about memes.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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