You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
