Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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