So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
