Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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