What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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