I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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