Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
