pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
