I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
