Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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