how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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