I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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