I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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