Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
