She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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