Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
