i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My ass is underappreciated
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
