I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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