that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
