by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
