one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
