Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
