Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
