I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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