mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
