just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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