Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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