That's when you crack a 10am beer
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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