I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
