Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
