thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
