I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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