I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
