Your dad touched me again.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
