I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
